Hippie and Stooge A Wet and Radical Love Story
by The Irish Cullen
Summary: Edward is a corporate Stooge just trying to get to work, but an Earth Saving Hippie isn't gonna let him go without a fight. 1st Place Members Choice in Nemo's Quick Fics Contest run by Ficters for Small Fries.


**I never do authors notes at the top but I thought I should explain what's going on here.**

**As a writer I am known as what we call a small fry, or rather my stories are small fry. I have a small but fiercely loyal band of reviewers who I can't count on supporting me in practically all of my writing endeavours but I'd never get the amount of reviews that other writers get. And I made my piece with that, I cherish every review I get and am shocked people are reading this at all.**

**So awhile back I joined a group on facebook called 'Ficsters for Small Fry' it's where you can promote your stuff and talk about all things fic, in many different fandoms. I really enjoy the group and find I get a lot of good recommendations from there. You should check it out once you've read the story.**

**Back to the main point. Awhile back FfSF announced they would be holding their first contest. It had to be short (under 3000 words) and the plot had something to do with water.**

**Immediately an idea came to me but I was apprehensive about doing contests. I had done one before and gotten nowhere with it so I was still about shy about it. I eventually put my big girl panties on and send the story to the contest administrator.**

**And much to my shock this story took Member's Choice First Place. I think I cried a bit when I found out. **

**Enough for now, go read it and let me know what you think!**

**EPOV**

I glanced down at my BlackBerry as I sat in the back of my car; apparently I had meetings all morning.

All of them had something to do with the new oil company my father's firm had just acquired. The oil business, while lucrative, was a sitting gold mine. So, of course, when my father, who would one day leave me his empire, asked my advice on whether or not he should buy this company, I told him it was a brilliant business venture.

He particularly liked my use of the word 'brilliant'. Yes, _Daddy_ loved it when we stroked his ego; it made everything sit right in his world.

My driver stopped abruptly, and I peered out the window, we didn't seem to be at a red light.

"Black!" I yelled at my driver, "Why have we stopped?"

"There's some protest going on Mr. Cullen, something about saving lakes..." He began to explain.

"Did I ask for the specifics?" I asked, and before he could answer, I jumped in again. "How far are we from the office?"

"About five minutes, Sir." He said. I looked at my watch; if I didn't get a move on I would be late.

"I'll walk," I told him before climbing out of the car and slamming the door shut.

There were people everywhere on the street; they had signs about water conservation and the like. _Hippie crap! See this is what turns I could see why people were put off sending their kids to college._ You send your agreeable twenty-year-old kid, off to college where they meet this flower power oracle of a professor, and suddenly they come home smelling like weed and dressing in hemp.

_Not that I ever did this._

My brother Jasper on the other hand... well he's living in the back of van with a girl named Alice who but prefers to be called Willow. Apparently they plan to name their first born, 'Moonbeam' to reflect the... to be honest I'd zoned out after that part of the sentence. Jasper had regaled me with the story last time he arrived at my parents' home for dinner.

"Clean our lakes!" I heard one guy shout.

"Don't let them pollute our water!" A woman shouted out, as I made my way through the crowd.

As I did, I heard the crackle of a mega-phone.

I rolled my eyes, _this should be good_.

"Cullen Enterprises is letting history repeat itself." A female voice called and I looked towards her. "Since 1976 there has been over eight devastating oil spills. Oil is not safe!" She called out and the crowd cheered in agreement. "And we're going to stay out here until Carlisle Cullen sees that we're not going to back down, he is not going to get away with re-opening one of the least secure oil detainment areas, in the world. They closed it for a reason. We will not move until these corporate stooges are forced to remember what the devastating effects of oil spills are, remember BP? Thousands of eco-systems, species of fish and even jobs... lost, in just one day!" She stated. I hadn't realised I had stopped and was watching her until she paused in talking.

I felt my BlackBerry vibrate in my hand.

"Edward Cullen." I answered.

"Are you seeing this?" My father yelled hysterically.

"I'm stuck in it, look I'll be there as soon as I can okay?" I asked.

"Come straight up to my office when you get in."

"Okay," I answered before hanging up and trying to make my way to the door of the building.

"Oh, look! It's one of Carlisle Cullen's corporate stooges." The woman with the megaphone called, obviously noticing my retreating form. "He seems in rush, probably realised they haven't destroyed the entire ozone yet and is going to spray his office with aerosols."

I chose to take the high road and ignore her. Maybe she'd shut up.

Unfortunately she didn't.

"I suppose, I wouldn't worry about the conservation of water either, if I had cases of Evian delivered to my office every day." She called.

_Almost there, Cullen, you're almost there._

"I'd bet, he goes fishing on one of those artificial lakes, where they import the fish from Japan for a more 'exotic' feeling."

_The door is ten metres away from you._

"Or maybe, Carlisle Cullen has him so brainwashed, that he thinks that fish don't count. If Nemo survived in the tank then so can the rest?" she asked in a baby voice as if I was stupid.

Now I could take any goading about money or lavish things, people would always be jealous if you have nice things. But under no circumstances, would I take people doubting my intelligence. I knew myself, I was intelligent. I had a 4.0 GPA my entire school career, my SAT's scores were through the roof and I had a letter from Mensa at home, my mother made me frame it.

I had taken a lot of bullying as a child for being intelligent but now I was a successful man with a shit load of money, and I wasn't going to let some hippie from a community college, say otherwise. I turned on my heel and walked back towards her raised platform.

I marched up the steps towards her; she looked as smug as I did.

"Ooohh, tough guy." She said. "I'm shaking in my boots."

"Would you like to repeat that last remark again?" I asked pushing her megaphone out of her hand.

"It talks." She snarled, and for a moment I couldn't help but notice how heartbreakingly beautiful she was.

How unfair was it that all the good looking women were taken, lesbian or bat shit crazy? A guy couldn't catch a break anymore.

"I can have all of your asses hauled out of here with a push of a button, don't try me, Missy." I told her.

"Yeah, right." She stated.

"I'm not just another corporate stooge, I'm Edward Cullen." I told her and her eyes widened. "Oh look its scared." She glared at me before picking up her megaphone again.

"Save our lakes!" She chanted, and soon the grounds started up again. I called security and quickly the police descended on the situation. They carted all of them away kicking and screaming. I looked on smugly, as they pushed my snarky friend into the back of a squad car. The officer arresting her then approached me.

"Thank you, Officer," I said "It's nice to have this cleared." I told him.

"Don't thank me yet, Son, she's saying you damaged her property and used force on her." He said pointing to the car, where she sat smugly.

"You can't be serious." I said as he slapped the cuffs on me and pushed me into the car beside my new best friend.

"Don't be so forceful next time." She stated smugly.

We drove towards the station and I knew my father was going to be fairly pissed at me because of the situation.

She glared at me the entire way there, my only happiness, was due to the fact that we would be getting out of this God damn car soon; and I'd never have to see her again.

_Boy was I wrong._

"In the cell." The officer said taking the cuffs off me. I shook my head when I saw she was in there.

"Officer, I'll give you twenty bucks if you shoot me now." I told him and he shook his head.

Apparently, they didn't have room for the two of us where they were keeping the other protestors so it was just me and their leader.

"For twenty bucks I'll do it for you." She suggested innocently.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Bella Swan, I was going to be an environmental lawyer but this isn't my first time protesting. I front organisations to do with water conservation."

"Fascinating." I said.

"At least I care about something other than my Porsche. Did you know that 40% of America's rivers are too polluted for fishing, swimming, or aquatic life?" she asked.

"That's not from oil though," I reminded her quietly.

"Yes, but your father wants to re open oil facilities beside the rest of the great lakes, so that percentage is going to get bigger, my friend."

"You and I, are not friends." I sneered.

"Come on, you've got to admit being in jail together, it's a bonding experience." She said. "You know for a corporate stooge, you're quite hot." She giggled causing me to sigh loudly "Can you just shut up?" I yelled at her. I pinched the bridge of my nose, a habit of mine when I was frustrated.

"I could keep talking about the fact that in any given year, about 25% of beaches in the US are under advisories or are closed, at least one time because of water pollution. That has a lot to do with oil." She said. "What's so great about oil in anyway?"

"Money," I told her.

"But when you compare money to... water... how is there any competition?"

"Are you serious?" I asked her. This woman was a quack; there was no better word for it.

"Yes." She said.

"Because water is..."

"Worthless?" she asked "You won't be saying that in fifty years when you kids have to sign up three months in advance to get clean drinking water." She said.

"Ha, next you'll be telling me about how my grandkids will never see a polar bear, and I should buy up all the SPF 500 for my descendants now, because it will be in high demand in fifty years time." I teased and she glared at me.

"So you really don't care?" she asked "About the rivers? The lakes? The sea? The fish?"Her voice was taking on a tone of exasperation, I wasn't easily won over by her arguments and that had to be frustrating but I was sticking to my own arguments.

"The only fish I care about are safe in my tank at home." I told her, making sure she knew I hadn't forgotten her earlier jibe.

"Okay, I'm sorry about that. But really, you don't care?" she asked. She did sound sincere but again I could hear how exasperated she was with me.

"I can't say that I do." I told her.

"Well, you have a very sad life, Edward." She stated sitting down on the bench.

"No, I just have better things to care about." I explained sitting beside her.

"Like what? Money?" she asked.

"Yes," I told her.

"Why?"

"Because in the words of Joel Grey; 'Money Makes the World Go Round?'" I teased.

"Did you just quote Cabaret?" she asked.

"Yes." I said, "Does it matter who I quoted? The statement is true."

"Can I tell you another statement that is true?" she asked.

"This is torture." I yelled to Officers outside the cell who chuckled.

"Around 80% of the pollution in seas and oceans comes from land-based activities." She stated.

"Bella, I swear to God I could care less about water than I do about the tip of my shoes lace." I told her.

"Fine." She sighed. "I think my original thoughts about you were right though. You are just a corporate stooge." She said her voice full of venom.

"And you're just another tree hugging, water saving hippie" I told her.

"I'd rather hug trees all day, than sit in an office all day and kill the planet." She yelled.

"I'd rather do something productive, than pretend that getting arrested for some pointless causes is a job" I yelled back.

"Stooge!"

"Hippie!"

"Bastard!"

"Frigid-bitch!" I yelled back and she slapped me.

"Fucker!" She yelled.

"Harpy!"

"Edward." She said.

"That's not an insult," I told her when I felt her lips on mine. It was fierce. She was pulling at my hair while my hands grabbed her hips pulling her towards me roughly.

"I hate everything you stand for." She hissed before I pulled her lips back to mine.

"I'm hardly wild about your ideas," I told her when I pulled away to breathe.

Our lips crashed together after that, our hands everywhere, mine were travelling up her top when I heard banging on the cell bars.

"Break it up you two!" The Officer yelled and we jumped apart from each other.

We both stood on opposite sides of the cell.

After a minute I spoke up.

"Bella?"

"What?" she asked.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" I asked. "You can yell at me some more." I told her. I was a glutton for punishment it seemed, but that kiss was hot and I'd be damned if I never got to do that again. So many women today had no drive or passion and while I thought her passion was just plain stupid, at least she had some.

"Fine." She said.

And we never looked back.

_**Two years later**_

I couldn't believe I was freaking doing this; I must really freaking love this girl.

"Save our forests." I said into the megaphone.

"Would it kill you to have a bit more passion?" Bella asked.

"Bella, don't make me turn a hose on you." I told her knowing how much she hated wasting water.

"You wouldn't do that to me or little River now, would you?" she asked running her hand over her large baby bump.

"There is no freaking way you can get me to agree to name our daughter, River."

"Hardly. River is for if it's a boy." She said with a 'duh' expression on her face, "I was thinking something like, Rain, if it's a girl."

"You're trying to kill my father, aren't you?" I asked.

"You never know. Rain Cullen is a pretty name though." She said and I shook my head.

"No." I told her.

"Fine." She said and I leaned in and kissed her. "Remind me why I love you?"

"Because I'm hot for a corporate stooge?" I asked.

"Yeah that's gotta be it." She said.

Our lives had been pretty hectic for the past two years. We dated for three months before I decided to propose, much to my parents' dismay. And then we threw together a wedding in two months, riverside, of course, and then after that the rest of our time was spent building an environmentally friendly, water sufficient, is practically allergic to fossil fuels, house.

If you asked Bella, she'd tell you our life was a rapid river heading straight on down with nothing in its way.

"I love you too Baby." I said and then within that minute, Bella's favourite thing in the world made another appearance in our life.

"My water just broke." She announced as it splashed at our feet.

_Yep, that river just kept flowing._

**THE END**

**So the moral of the story is, don't be afraid to take a jump when writing something you never know how great it might turn out.**

**Love The Irish Cullen.**


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